ElMutanto

For all Fallout: Equestria fans out there, I will be posting pages of a webcomic I'm working on for .

The comic will update once a week and I will reblog the pages on my tumblr and I will also post the pages that I made for the comic myself here once they get published.

Well... It's been bloody two years and something since I wrote a Journal... Yeah...

Life has been hectic and is still a nuisance... But with each and every little problem I learn to appreciate it even more. I've made some new friends, met someone worth fighting for... Even more than one person. Became active in polish Brony Fandom...
Life is just Awesome, as the song goes.

Who am I?

I've been asking myself that question since the first month of grade school. What is my life, and what is my place in cosmic order?

I've lost everything I hoped for and cared for.

My family lies broken.

My mother is a lesbian whore and she made me "like" her lovers. Her first girlfriend was my homeroom teacher. That old hag destroyed my childhood and to this day I imagine my fingers breaking her neck, whenever I see her. She turned whole the class against me. Exploited my weakness, that was my sensitivity to evilness. I was a cry baby. To this day i cry over my lost childhood. Only three of the whole school became my true friends and kept me from taking my life.
The current lover of my mother, for once, is younger than her. It still doesn't help me. The only good thing that she brought to my life, was my beloved Dog, Mops. But know, she and my mother hide him from me, to humiliate me and take away the only life that loved me unconditionally from me. I've lost the only light that shined in my life.

My sister is a nice pathological example herself. Religious, an animator for the local oasis Christianity cult, a swift learner and a student of the prestigious and elite Jagiellonian University. That didn't stop her from calling me vulgar names when she came back from church. Didn't stop her from kicking me in the stomach, when I was sick. Didn't stop her from betraying our father when he was in hospital because of a heart disease. The sad thing is, that a part of me, still wants to love her… Pathetic.

My father's Family… They're a bunch too. They hang on to each other and from this comes their strength. I value them, as they are the only people that didn't turn their backs at me. They love me but yet, their love is not unconditional… They want me to be perfect. They never see my good qualities, only those bad ones. They always try to lecture me, show me that my ways are bad. Too bad, that I already know it.

I think, that along the path of my education and enrollment into the society, I've lost my humanity. I find it rather easy to commit acts, that terrified me when I was a child. There is little left of the sensitive child that I was once. The only thing that remains, is a really sad adult, who isn't capable of being happy.

Funny thing… I Love children. I always wanted to have my own family, to run it differently from the one, I was raised in. Then again, I see that I don't have the wits, and don't even deserve to have a family. I would make my children suffer, just as my mother did. And not because I want to… I would do that, because I don't know any other way…
My first and only girlfriend betrayed my trust. She made me cry, lose my dignity, my pride. I crawled around her feet and begged for her to be with me when I needed just a hug… She never had time… And to this Day I amuse myself with the memory, that it was ME who ended that relationship. I will die lonely. And with me, my cursed lineage will die too.

I accuse my family. I accuse my mother. I accuse my sister, and all of that family. I accuse my father, and I accuse HIS family. I Accuse them of the crime they crime committed. The crime, of giving me life. But most of All, I accuse myself of the Biggest crime of my life… Not ending it, when I still had the guts to cut my veins.

I'm sick of this world. World full of love. Of Love, which is not meant for me. There is no place for me in this sickened realm. There is no place for a sad man, whose only dream is to be truly loved.
For a man like me there is only hatred. Hatred, lack of understanding, and bigotry.


Happy people… I detest You! You sicken me with your very being! And the only reason for this is, because I was stripped away of my dose of happiness. I cannot be happy, and will not be happy. And as everything goes, it seems, that anyone that comes near me, will lose that happiness as well.